Review: Brucesploitation flick - Bruce Lee fights back from the Grave - 1976

At least the cover art kicks ass!

Bruce Lee fights back from the Grave

Regi: Doo-Yong Lee

Action

1976

This is the worst kind o Brucesploitation there is. They haven’t even bothered to edit in scenes with Bruce Lee anywhere in the picture. What you get it is lightning hitting Bruce Lees Grave and that’s all…it’s over in like thirty seconds.

The rest of the film regards a Kung Fu instructor tracking down a few thugs which he believes has murdered his friend. He has to fight his way past each and every one of them and eventually finds the mastermind behind it all. It’s kind of a storyline you would expect from Bruce Lee so I guess they got that right. As a matter a fact I think it reminds me a bit of Way of the Dragon. Or perhaps I wanted it to remind me of something so bad I interpreted it that way.

The star of this flick is Bruce Lea, you can’t but be impressed by the innovative ways these guys try to make it seem like this is a lost flick with the genuine Bruce. This and a lot of other films that is. It’s not all terrible but I don’t think there’s a reason for anyone to watch this more than once. It’s rather pointless! I come to think of a quote from another movie – King of the Kickboxers, where the cop and hero of the movie have to watch some genuine death movies. He doesn’t realize that the actions in the movies are for real an comment them to be “like Bruce Lee movies – without Bruce!”. That’s kind of how I feel. The movie would probably have been bad with Bruce Lee in it, but now it doesn’t even have that! Avoid!

2/10

Zombie Flick Review: Gangsters, Guns and Zombies - 2012

Gangsters, Guns and Zombies

Director: Matt Mitchell

2012

Comedy/Horror

Nothing could have gone wrong in the final robbery of Tony and his gang. Everything is thought of – except the apocalypse. No one thought that their escape route would be blocked by hungry zombies… They need an alternate plan and Tony DO has an alternate safe-house far away from the city. Getting there is another business of course.

At first I thought this might be a cool merge of genres but I soon realize that it’s nothing more than a disaster. There’s nothing entertaining about it at all. There’s not even a descent broad to look at… I’m exaggerating of course, there’s nothing ugly with the present chick but it’s still not enough to make this worth my while. I was hoping for something a little more serious, why do all zombie flicks these days have to be so ridiculous? It’s not funny and it’s not scary, so what it the point?

To be honest there are some scenes where the makeup effects guys have done a good job and the old lady’s – the grandmother’s – language is a bit funny. She cusses and swears in every other sentence and is not ashamed to admit that she’s a racist. It’s not enough though. It’s, like I said before, ridiculous and nothing more. I understand why this is available on BD as such a cheap price. It might be of interest to any diehard fan of British zombie comedy but not to anyone else. At least I would advise against it!

2/10

Extreme Flick Week: August Underground’s Mordum - 2003

August Underground’s Mordum

Director(s):              

Jerami Cruise, Killjoy,

Michael Todd Schneider,

Fred Vogel, Cristie Whiles

2003

Extreme

As with the first part in this trilogy the plot is very shallow and concerns a couple of individuals’ killing- and rape spree. They stop at nothing to for fill their sexual desires including masturbating with a chopped off penis and raping a dead child! One would think that these things would be shocking beyond belief but that’s not entirely the case. Of course it’s disturbing but the whole movie is so hard to watch due to shaky handheld cameras anyway so when we come to the most disturbing part we’re already so tired of watching that we don’t have the energy to get revolted anyway.

Frankly, I had a difficult time staying awake and all the other times I’ve tried to watch it I had the same problem! It’s not disturbing in the right manner that’s for sure! If it were to shock me and make me feel sick (as I think the intention are) I wouldn’t have any problems keeping myself awake but this is just SO boring!

Comparing it to the first movie I would say that this is more extreme. But what’s the use if it doesn’t shock you? It’s hard seeing what’s happening and I doubt that a blu-ray edition would make anything any clearer. The whole point is to create an illusion of a crappy hand held camera and that illusion works great! That makes the picture quality one of the main problems and part of the reason why it’s so boring to watch.

From what I can work out the make-up effects are excellent though! That’s one of the better aspects of the movie. They were great in the first one and they are equally realistic here! So are the acting as well! The feeling of realism is the one true asset of the film and it’s nice to see such a low budget movie without crappy camera angels and lousy acting non realistic acting. How many times haven’t you seen great plots getting ruined by actors that couldn’t deliver a line if their life depended on it?

The bottom line is not very positive though. There are far more negative things to say than positive and the fact that I can’t stay awake for the 77 minutes speaks for itself. I don’t like this at all but I hope that the final part of the trilogy can make up for this!

2/10

Review: Slaughtered Vomit Dolls - 2006

I first wrote this review during the summer of 2006 and put it up on my – then – new website. I then never got around moving it to the newer site/design and now it’s time again… I have decided to translate what I wrote back then and put it up on this blog since this is where it seems to belong best!

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls
Director: Lucifer Valentine 666

2006

Extreme

Angela Aberdeen (Amerara Lavey) is a nineteen year old bulimic and prostituted stripper. She’s on the verge of descending into a world of emotional pain of gigantic proportions. She suffers from massive nightmares and hallucinations and is made to witness endless maiming, sadistic torture and emetophilia.

I’ll have to admit that I looked up the word emetophilia in a dictionary. The meaning of the word is multiple but the common factor is sexual arousal of vomit. There are some forms in which this can manifest it self:

1. To watch someone else vomit in front of you.
2. To make yourself vomit.
3. To vomit on you partner during sex.
4. To be vomited on by your partner during sex.
5. To force someone else to vomit.

As a viewer of the movie it’s obvious that the first example stated above is the most frequent one. There’s not anyone that will jump out of your TV-set just to vomit on you – of course you can feel free to vomit yourself during the Watch! I nearly did but not out of arousal. This is a pretty disgusting film for most of us but I needed to see it for myself.

For the characters it’s more about making themselves vomit. It seems that they just can’t get enough of it sometimes and I fail to see what the films (shallow) plot has to do with anything. The hallucinations are more of an excuse to put as much vomit in there as possible. I mean, how lame doesn’t “a bulimic strippers hallucinations” sound? There are some things worth thinking about though! I just can’t figure out if there are intentional or if I just HAVE to find some saving grace beyond all the vomiting.

But enough of that. There are other scenes than vomiting too! Lots of sadistic maiming goes on and there’s a lot of torture. All of this is very realistic and I commend these efforts. I think it may be because of the films cinematography with a camera that’s NEVER still. There is also a lot of amateur feel to it which also may contribute to the realism. It’s kind of an oxymoron, the negative aspects makes it more realistic but less aesthetic to watch.

Something that may be of interest is the contract the director apparently sign for the Devil. He promises his soul to Hell and swears to raise his children as Satan’s offspring among other things. This seems to make a lot of people angry and not only deeply Christian believers as you might think but even the regular film viewer. I wonder how regular you are as a film viewer if you watch stuff like this. My own opinion of the subject is quite clear; it’s a way to create a mystic around himself and to make himself interesting. I think this sell merely as good as sex does really. I’ve seen similarities before and that it would be a totally serious pact with Satan sound a bit too improbable!

Finally I would like to warn all of you for this film. It’s the most disturbing and disgusting film I’ve ever seen but if that’s all that you’re after just go ahead. I didn’t get the point with it; I want something more that just disgust!

2/10

Review: 666: Demon Child – 2004

Cover art can be very misleading from time to time and here is a fine example of that! If you look at the DVD cover you might not get an idea of a multilevel working picture but not of a total disaster either I think. It’s a turkey using the bad sense of the word and there’s not much to make up for it either. What happens (and it’s not much) is that a mystical egg hatches and a blood thirsty demon baby comes out, which then kills all the archaeology students one by one.

Everyone is overacting quite bad and I can’t say that the monster is very well made either and now I’m being extremely kind in my judgement! Further more, the story is so uninteresting that it’s more rewarding to think about other movies or stuff you’re going to buy soon. Until the end, that we get some thing to make it worth our while. We get some background to the mythology of the film, something that we should have to wait for in the first place. But it does not last for long and soon the disappointment comes back tenfold. And then the film is… over!

There’s really not much else to say than to use the old cliché – I want one and a half hour of my life back!

2/10