Hans Cripleton: Talk to the Hans – 2014 – What did I just see?

What did I just see? I don’t think that question has ever been more valid. I had to watch this a few times before I “got it”. It’s actually a quite funny comedy; an indie comedy and not very politically correct at that. At first I thought it was a bit tasteless and making fun och disabled people. I don’t anymore. If it’s something it makes fun of, it’s inbred rednecks. I think all of the main characters are so exaggerated that it’s impossible to take them serious enough to be offended though. That’s my 2 cents anyway. I guess some might be offended but if that’s the case, you might want to watch smother else to begin with.

The acting is quite good. I totally buy the pseudo documentary. If I didn’t know better it would have me fooled. The acting is actually more realistic that the makeup effects. Those are cool but obviously faked. I think they’re supposed to look faked to make a comic point and together with the characters it’s all in good fun.

The story revolves around a family, and one of the in particular – Hans. He’s a authority in the horror world but he seems to take himself a little bit to serious after a while. This movie has the form of a documentary around him. It evolves to something more and before the end it becomes a family drama within this crazy family AND the documentary film maker. There is a zombie curse too if you’re into that kind of stuff, but even though it’s important for the plot and storyline, it’s not very much coverage of it. Not in imagery anyway.

You have never seen a movie like this before, nor are you likely to do so again anytime soon! If you are into indie flick you should see this one!

8/10

Trailer: Danish flick ESCAPING THE DEAD

Look quick for Look fast for Tromas Lloyd Kaufman!

Escaping the Dead" is inspired by a series of articles about the deathdrug "Krokodil" that was published about the same period of time when Ronald Poppo had his face eaten by a naked man hooked on bathsalt in Miami. It is the perfect zombie plot: a deathdrug that turns people into zombies.

The film has its starting point in a typical day for the lead character, David. David is the local marihuana pusher, but he is the kind of dealer that smokes more than he sells. In themeantime the country has been hit by a new deathdrug and when David and his partner in crime Ahmir is offered some exceptionally cheap cocaine they see it as an opportunity to earn big money at the big techno concert the following Friday, but the cocaine turns out to have a terrible side effect that creates a giant zombie outbreak that spreads acrossthe entire Copenhagen. In the film we follow David and his bloody fight out of the city.

Directed by Martin Sonntag and Bastian Brinch Pedersen, the film stars Bastian Brinch Pedersen (who is also the co-director and producer of the film) as David, Rama Øzel as Ahmir, along with Dorte Rømer ("Breaking the Waves") and Kim Sønderholm ("Cannibal Fog", "Run", "House of Many Sorrows") playing Lars the policeman. Recently Lone Fleming, legendary horror actress from the "Blind Dead" series and Danish origin joined the cast to play Davids mother. 

IMDb link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3334746/

Zombie Flick Review: Gangsters, Guns and Zombies - 2012

Gangsters, Guns and Zombies

Director: Matt Mitchell

2012

Comedy/Horror

Nothing could have gone wrong in the final robbery of Tony and his gang. Everything is thought of – except the apocalypse. No one thought that their escape route would be blocked by hungry zombies… They need an alternate plan and Tony DO has an alternate safe-house far away from the city. Getting there is another business of course.

At first I thought this might be a cool merge of genres but I soon realize that it’s nothing more than a disaster. There’s nothing entertaining about it at all. There’s not even a descent broad to look at… I’m exaggerating of course, there’s nothing ugly with the present chick but it’s still not enough to make this worth my while. I was hoping for something a little more serious, why do all zombie flicks these days have to be so ridiculous? It’s not funny and it’s not scary, so what it the point?

To be honest there are some scenes where the makeup effects guys have done a good job and the old lady’s – the grandmother’s – language is a bit funny. She cusses and swears in every other sentence and is not ashamed to admit that she’s a racist. It’s not enough though. It’s, like I said before, ridiculous and nothing more. I understand why this is available on BD as such a cheap price. It might be of interest to any diehard fan of British zombie comedy but not to anyone else. At least I would advise against it!

2/10

Review: Beyond the Grave - 2010

Beyond the Grave

Director: Davi de Oliveira Pinheiro

AKA: Porto dos Mortos, Más Allá de la Tumba

2010        

Drama/Thriller/Horror/Western

Set is another time and another place, the story more or less revolves around a cop of sorts who’s searching for a possessed serial killer. But possession is not all there is, there are also zombies and black magic rituals going on throughout the entire plot. It’s kind of incomprehensible most of the time but I really like the cinematography and the image compositions most of the time. There’s a lot of visual clichés going on but they seem to fit the production and makes it interesting.

The script itself confuses me by being too ambivalent there are so many different things going on that it’s hard to separate them. Perhaps this is even hard as the dialog is spoken in Portuguese, at least most of it is. I mean, it’s subtitled in English and that’s no biggie really but there are still things that tend to get lost in any translation. But it is a Brazilian film and it should be in Portuguese or it would seem wrong anyway.

Actor wise I think it works really well and some of the makeup effect are almost brilliant. But the movie is rather slow-paced and that makes I kind of boring anyway. There are some strange characters which I think is designed to make it look more interesting, but this isn’t a film by Alejandro Jodorowsky and it’s not tense enough to make it work. I like the ambition of trying to make something a little different but in my opinion it gets a little too complicated. There’s not enough western to make it a western, it’s not enough post apocalypse to make it post apocalypse and it’s not enough zombies to make it a zombie flick.

The main problem is the script no doubt and maybe the direction could have been better too. I think it would have needed some more nerve to make it as interesting as the plot deserves. As it is I can’t even tell what the bottom line is supposed to be.

Review: Hack Job - 2011

Hack Job

Director: James Balsamo

2011

Comedy/Horror

The Devil gives a great moviescript to the two loser filmmakers James Argento and Mike Fulci.

This might as well be the most stupid film I’ve ever seen! Having that said I think I need to state the fact that it doesn’t necessarily need to be a bad thing. It’s a hilarious movie most of the time just because of the fact that it’s stupid. It goes all over the place and that’s also the main problem with it. I would have liked it to stay in one premise. You don’t have to bring everything you can think of together: zombies, monster, aliens, Nazis, you name it!

The effects sucks most of the time but I’ll add a little kudos for the self irony. I get the feeling that there are more ambitions than pretentious, that’s even if I can’t say I find it ambitious at all. It must have been done on a real shoestring budget and it shows. The picture is unsharp and damaged due to cheep filming equipment I think, the editing is bad and the acting is way over the top. There’s gore in it and the movie makes a point over this plenty of times. It also makes a point of the tits but I‘d say both of these are in the movie for the hell of it. They don’t really add anything.

This will be one of the shortest reviews I’ve written in a while but I’m more or less lost for words. I can’t really tell what it’s about and to me it’s just scenes jammed together. On the upper hand I find lots of cool oneliners and references to other movies and stuff. For the most of the time I might be over analyzing it but it’s clear that James Balsamo is a real movie buff with a lot of knowledge and experience in film viewing. 

Oh yes... Lloyd Kaufman appears a few times and might very well be the best actor in the film.

Review: The Dead - 2010

The Dead

Director: Howard J. Ford, Jonathan Ford

2010

Horror

Somewhere in Africa the dead start coming back to life. No one knows why and the main thing is to survive. An American soldier – an engineer, gets left behind when the aircraft supposed to take him and other Americans home explode. He is the sole survivor! He soon teams up with a local soldier looking for his son. They decide to help each other even if they’re really enemies in the war prior to the zombie outburst.

The first few minutes of this movie makes a really great impression. The makeup is great and there’s no humor at all to be found. You wonder what really happened and what’s going to happen and it´s really interesting. Unfortunate for the plot there are very few explanations given. And I don’t mean that you’re supposed to be told why the dead walks the earth once more. You´re not usually told this in any zombie flick anyway. But I need some motivation of the main characters. I know what they´re after and what their goals are but it isn’t enough. It gets boring and a few zombies here and there don’t make up for it.

I think it’s great that the film is set in Africa. Black zombies are very rare in most zombie films but here they´re in majority of course. The makeup continues to be great and I really like the way the zombies are made. But it gets boring. There are very little dialog in the film and it´s kind of slow paced too. In the end it seems rather pointless but it was very well made and that’s the entertaining part of it. I wish I’d liked it more than I did, because it has true potential. And it’s way better than most amateurish zombie stuff out there. Too bad the script was such a mess.

I know I stated it to be a horror film above because I can’t say that it’s not. But it’s not made as a horror film at all. There are no really scary effects even if they are great! The drama is all wrong for and it’s more of a post apocalyptic film than a zombie flick really. That’s not necessarily a bad thing and I find the intention of this uplifting but It didn’t succeed all the way.

6/10

The Swedish DVD cover is by far superior don't you think?

Review: Quarantine 2: Terminal - 2011

Quarantine 2: Terminal
Director: John Pogue
2011
Horror

A flight from L.A. is forced to do an emergency landing when one of the passengers starts to attack the others. When they finally reach the ground there seems to by no help available. They search for a free gate where they expect to find medical personal. But nothing happens. All entries to the terminal are locked. What’s going on? Soon they realize that the entire building is surrounded and quarantined. A virus turn one by one of the passengers and flight personal into blood thirsty zombies and the outside world are not about to set them free. They take no risks with the deadly virus!

This starts as an intriguing sequel! And even if the first film – Quarantine, was more or less the same movie as the Spanish original [REC] this is a more stand-on-it’s-own sequel and has nothing in common with [REC2]. Some of the original essence has been lost since this film doesn’t contain any of the handhold subjective shaky camera what so ever. It’s referenced to but the imagery is not used. Perhaps they’re saving that for part 3?

The fact that it has nothing to do with the original sequel and not with the first Quarantine either really, gives the film a lift. It feels fresh and I can’t remember ever seeing a zombie attack on a plane before. Zombies on a Plane!

You could argue that the intro sequences are filled with clichés, but I think it’s charming and it’s not made by mistake. It’s almost as if the creators mock themselves, or perhaps the audience. It’s not obvious where the virus will come from and who that’ll get it first, just that it will come! There are plenty of re herrings and the final eruption of aggravation is pretty good.

Like the other movies this is about super fast infected individuals rather than real zombies. At least if you take the old school of slow zombies into the equation. Some say that the only true zombies are just like that, slow and horrifying and craving human flesh. The latter is the case here though, they bite and there’s blood! But it doesn’t follow through all the way and after the emergency landing the film turn more conventional and reminds you more of the other films in the series. It would have been fun have the entire plot take place in the air but I guess that would have been a hard scenario to accomplish.

The part on the ground, which is the most of the movie, is slower paced than the beginning, but it never gets stale or boring. It’s very well acted and there is an explanation to everything in the end. I won’t tell what happens but if you’re after a happy ending you might want to see something else instead. I don’t think it’s a spoiler claiming that since most zombie flicks seems to have some kind of apocalyptic ending anyway. It’s kind of the essence of the genre, to lead the story into total and ultimate decadence.

All in all a very entertaining flick but surely not a masterpiece. If you like zombie films with virus infections you should like this one too and it’s not necessary to have the other films in the two series in fresh memory. This film can make it on its own, all you need to know is explained pretty clear.